S4-E7: Aspects of compatibility in marriage

In this episode, we discuss various factors which influence compatibility in marriage which relate to namw. 

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Chapters

• 0:20 Excerpt from Life Analysis Training on success in marriage
• 2:14 Comment on the excerpt
• 4:29 The role of the Cyclic Law in relationships
• 6:02 The role of groups in compatibility
• 11:30 The role of ideals in marriage success
• 12:22 Concluding thoughts

Transcript

Daken: Welcome to You Are Your Name. Today we're doing the third episode on relationships. We have a guest today, Dhorea Delain who's a Senior Name Consultant, and my co-host Marlowe Shearing. So thank you ladies for joining.

Dhorea: Thank you for asking us to be a part.

Marlowe: Thank you.

Daken: So I was going to read a quote to start the podcast. It's from our Life Analysis Training course. It's discussing the balance of name as being such a critical aspect for compatibility in marriage. So it's a couple of paragraphs, so bear with me.

"How many marriages are successful? Not two out of twenty, because human Beings have not been taught a definite spiritual Principle through which to choose a mate who is born to follow the same or similar path of destiny. Neither do they understand the Power of the Word, which creates the ideals, desires, and intelligence through the name. Balance must be created within the individual first. The mind and the intellect must be tuned through the Mathematical Principle to the individual path of destiny as defined through the date of birth. For if this is not done, then the person is a house divided against itself and the desires of the inner self and the outer self are widely divergent.

This situation creates a continual chaos in the nervous system, destroying health within the person and happiness between husband and wife. True happiness cannot be found through the satisfaction of the senses, but only through the knowledge of a Principle that will allow two people to control their desires and their own lower natures.

Happiness is not something that you marry and retain for the balance of your married life, but it is something that you must strive to retain even after you have found it. Too many people have the idea that once they fall in love and marry, their troubles are over in regards to compatibility and all that is necessary then is to settle down. This is a very serious mistake. As the greatest fight to retain each other's affections begins only after marriage. For then, there is a double battle to wage, the battle of the higher and the lower nature of each person endeavoring to live up to an ideal."

I wondered if you had any thoughts on that, Dhorea?

Dhorea: Thinking about the message that Mr. Parker was endeavoring to create so we can interpret it to apply it in our lives, makes us realize how serious life is and how important it is to have a basic principle for communication and understanding. Because true love is not just a physical affection, but true love is understanding. And how can we understand someone if we don't really know the inner qualities that are born within them and why we have the expression through our thinking?

The Mathematical Principle is the foundation of the Kabalarian Philosophy. And it's an education in how we can utilize a basic principle to truly understand the inner needs of a person and the mental pattern of a person's thinking. Once we have that key, then, as we apply it, whether it be a friendship, in business, in personal life, or a relationship, or a marriage, that same law applies because it's the key for communication.

If you really understand the heart and mind of somebody, you would bring out the higher side. But if we don't know why they respond in a certain way and where they have an inclination that's different to us, then there's a tendency to only respond to our wants and desires and our emotional expression, rather than considering the source or the cause in another person. So that very foundation has to be a part of our lives and our relationship with particularly someone close in marriage because we fall in love, we respect someone, we want to spend the rest of our life with them. But over time, we start seeing changes in our traits, and our desires, and our interests. Do we understand why? And if you had the key to understanding that you would be able to create a lifelong path of greater harmony and balance.

Daken: Can you comment on how cycles play a part in relationships?

Dhorea: Now, there's always ups and downs in our life. We're born into time. We're born into a rhythm of cycles. Each person has their own response to their own cycle. And so there's different needs at different times. So if we understood what was happening and why it's occurring, then we can have more patience, more understanding, more tolerance, and compatibility in supporting another person. Rather than responding through an emotional reaction, it becomes a constructive understanding which creates harmony.

Daken: An interesting point about cycles because everyone's going through a nine year pattern, but not necessarily at the same time. So in my own case, my wife is one year ahead of me. So. When I'm in a 9 year, which is a time for resting and rebuilding and visualizing the future, she's in a 1 year and she wants to go, go, go. So there's a bit of a compromise where she has to wait a little bit. So for major projects, she's in her 2, I'm in my 1. And that's still a good time for us to work on major projects that need initiating. We have to learn to work with each other cycles and find what's the best for both.

Dhorea: The greatest success is in understanding the tools that we're working with, and what better way than understanding the cause behind our thinking and how to create harmony with each other.

Daken: In Season 4 Episode 3 entitled, How can I measure my fundamental approach to life? we discussed the three different groups, water, fire, and air - which is based on the date of birth. Can you comment on how the groups relate to compatibility?

Dhorea: If you're working and dealing with someone that has the water group quality, you'll find they need more independence, and so you're not always questioning why do they need to have time on their own? But with the fire group quality, you'll find they need to exchange their ideas. You need to be patient, you need to be able to nurture and support a particular need. And then with the air group, they tend to have a bigger picture in life. And they're always looking for the end result rather than the mechanics and the details. They're quite idealistic, but it's for a reason. And it is a buoyant lifting power of inspiration. And each group can learn from one another.

But if we want true compatibility, then it is important to be able to be in the same group or a similar group relative to the other qualities of our birthpaths. So there's so many, many shadings and qualities that influence our personality and the ability to really communicate and exchange our ideas. . But for building a successful life, we need to truly understand how we can get along with all people through the principle of balance and harmony and understanding their name.

Daken: Good points. Marlowe, did you want to add anything?

Marlowe: Just the thought that you fall in love, but to maintain that love or nurture that love through a lifetime is a commitment. And it's a commitment of energy. But in the Kabalarian Philosophy, we teach that we create our life through our thinking. And so as Dhorea is discussing, it's so important that knowledge and understanding of others. Because then we grow in our concept of how to reach other minds and how to support them, nurture them, and recognize their needs. And that quality of love is a big perspective of life. Because as Dhorea just said, all humility requires this understanding to really create the communication, understanding, and the tolerance and love amongst people.

Daken: I remember when we were running our business, we had a number of different groups working together, and I'm an air group. But I actually found the water groups really easy to work with because you just tell them this is the goal, and they just go to it. You know, you don't have to give them the details. Whereas the fire groups, they wanted to know the plan, they wanted to sit down to discuss it, and I said, "Just do it!" So it was quite funny, the interaction, and you learn as you work with people that, "Okay, that's how they think, and you have to work with how they think."

Dhorea: Learning to overcome our own self response and look at life from a universal Principle, because we all have our natural inclinations, but the more we observe and create the harmony, then that's where we get best results and the greatest success in our life.

Daken: I have another quote for you relative to what Marlowe was saying.

"Make your desires to share and to make your partner happy motivate your reactions. Be considerate in everything. Be kind in speech, and you'll have no need to worry about rewards and reciprocation. The world's best lover is the man who's consideration for his wife compels her to desire his companionship at all times and to be generous in every respect." Alfred J Parker.

It's interesting that there's a different perspective, that happiness isn't in the marriage. It's in how learning how to give happiness and then you get happiness. So in a sense, you create your own happiness by learning to see that perspective.

Dhorea: Yes. And as we share our lives, we learn from each other. And it's a beautiful expression really. And it should be a natural expression. But it does require knowledge and understanding in order to create the true fulfillment and the long lasting success in one's life.

Marlowe: And if our mind creates our thinking, then it's our thinking that's creating our life. And you see young people and they have that desire for the marriage to have the family, to have the children, but it's all a perspective of self without the recognition of what commitment they are making. So the commitment they're making is that this other individual requires that understanding and that opportunity for personal growth.

Even cycles will affect a marriage because there's different times when you want to accomplish certain things and you have to learn to mediate and recognize the importance of which cycle, or give the patience to the person that's in a testing time. All those things show that it's the individual's knowledge and understanding of the principles of life that are the quality of giving. And then as Daken just said, as we give, then we will receive.

Daken: You could be in the same group, but if your ideals are different, you'll grow apart. So really, the idealism of what you're trying to accomplish as a couple is such a critical thing. So often the ideals are material goals. But, Mr. Parker was saying in that quote that we really should have universal ideals to live the higher side of our qualities to develop a universal perspective. And that's what keeps the intelligence of the relationship going.

Marlowe: And the intelligence grows because life is growth, and there's so always new experiences, new opportunities. We want to keep both minds seeking. And then discussing, sharing, creating goals together that keep the minds moving forward, keep the minds interested in life.

Daken: Any final thoughts, Dhorea?

Dhorea: Well, we joined together with an ideal and that ideal takes time to unfold. It has to apply in the physical side of our lives, the practical, the materialistic, the philosophical, the intellectual, and ultimately the unfoldment of our true spiritual expression in life. And that's what gives us a direction, and it creates that commonality between two people. So that you always go back to that basic truth to give you that strength and support to move forward. And then it's a building power. The greatest harmony is created basically through the understanding of these intelligent principles. So that we always base our life on something logical but inspirational, because it has an ideal behind it. And then we have a foundation as a constant support.

Daken: Thank you ladies for contributing those thoughts. And until next week, happy thoughts.

Dhorea: Thank you. Have a good day.